Tag Archives: death and dying
“…you must embrace joy as a moral obligation.” ~Andre Gide How do we avoid getting caught up in the pain and negativity in the world and in our own lives? I remember a quote I heard decades ago by Wayne Dyer that went something like this: You can never be unhappy enough to make someone else happy; you can never be sick enough to heal someone; you can never be poor enough to help someone become rich. This seems obvious…..
Marina and Nick (not their real names) came to my support group at hospice every week for several months after their three-month-old baby died of a severe birth defect. Although Nick was philosophical about the loss, he was able to feel and express his grief each week during the sessions, which he said was helpful in coming to an acceptance. Marina’s process was different. She seemed perpetually angry— “It shouldn’t have happened. We did everything right.” She compared herself to…..
Things don’t always go according to plan in small and big ways in our lives. We are constantly derailed, whether it’s the barista making the wrong drink at Starbucks or our retirement plans going awry through illness or death. Our ability to be present with ‘what is’ is the only predictable thing in our unpredictable, constantly changing lives. One of my clients at hospice brought this reality into clear focus for me. Jerry’s daughter Jeannie (not their real names), brought…..
The summer heat in Arizona was at its peak as extended family gathered together to celebrate Grandma Perry’s hundredth birthday. True to form, she fully enjoyed being the center of attention in her bright red dress with an over-sized, white lace collar. She had been quite sickly early in her life and had almost died in her thirties, but she had gone on to live a full and healthy, not to mention long, life. It seemed to all of us…..
That November day back in 1963 began just like any other day. I was sitting at my desk in the back of Mr. Martin’s seventh grade Spanish class. It was still a time of innocence then—especially for someone like me growing up in a small town in a conservative family. My parents would dress up every Friday night for their square dance class—Mom in her full skirt and Dad…I don’t remember what he wore. But they both went out the…..
In my book, Simply Sacred, I wrote about a client I called John, a man in his thirties who came to see me at hospice when his wife was dying of a brain tumor. They had tried every treatment to no avail, and she was at the end of her young life. During our first session, he told me he was at peace with the situation. Of course, he was devastated for himself and for his wife, but he had…..
Once, while working at Hospice, I was assigned a client (I’ll call her Judy) who had been in the hospital for several days, having outlived the doctors’ expectations that she would die within a day or two. They were considering sending her to a long-term facility. Each day, after seeing my other hospice clients at my office, I would head over to the hospital to sit with Judy. She could barely speak at this point so we usually just sat…..
This week has been particularly intense with the burning of the iconic Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris and the troubling political climate in the U.S. It’s also Easter week–for Christians around the world a time of dissolution and rebirth. It seems fitting to reflect on the gift of life and the importance of cherishing the present moment. All of us who were in Hawaii on January 13, 2018, will never forget that fateful day. That Saturday morning we woke up…..
Working at hospice (as well as in my own experiences of loss) I saw that many of us who have suffered a major loss often begin asking the deeper questions about life and death. As we search for answers to why it happened, grapple with our beliefs about life and death and try to find meaning in our losses, new dimensions of life are revealed to us. Our broken heart can become an open heart. We can become more conscious,…..
It is said that the final words of the Buddha to his followers, who were distressed at the prospect of his impending death were: “All manifest things will vanish. Strive diligently for liberation.” The fear of death comes from the belief that we are an individual entity limited to a body and mind, which are subject to disappearing. When we are liberated from this mistaken belief, we are free from this fundamental fear. I once heard a spiritual teacher say…..
