Here in Hawaii, many people are living off the grid. They have opted to jump off the treadmill of their lives on the mainland and live the ultimate simple existence. For some I have met, they woke up to the fact they had been driving themselves into the ground just to support their upscale lifestyle, selling their souls to a stressful and unfulfilling career. When they asked themselves if it was worth it, they found the answer was no. We don’t all need to go to such extremes, but if we want to live more consciously, to be more present for what is, we do need to cultivate the habit of connecting to our inner stillness, to become acquainted with silence. Even small changes in our daily and weekly routines can be valuable in opening up more space for the light to come in. Of course, just living off-grid in Hawaii doesn’t automatically translate into a happier life. We carry our misery and discontent with us—even to paradise—unless inner healing occurs. We need to live ‘off the grid’ of our mental structures which limit us by keeping us stuck in the past.
When we moved to Hawaii, it was easy to settle into a relaxed rhythm, and it was a huge contrast from the past years of intense work. I could be present for my life in a way that seemed impossible before, caught up in my busy schedule with almost no room to breathe. As many who live here agree, the slow pace and remote isolation of the island is an invitation to face off with yourself, a significant opportunity for growth. And as we all know, growth is not necessarily comfortable or fun. It requires releasing old patterns that we have been clinging to for dear life, but that no longer serve us. Our resistance to change can be painful.
With less noise—internal and external—to distract us, previously buried self-judgments, fears, and other uncomfortable feelings can begin to surface. They cry out for attention, for healing. It reminds me of my experiences at the ashram in India. Just being in the sacred atmosphere there, away from our normal busy lives, and spending extended periods of time in meditation, had a similar effect. Without the usual distractions that had buffered us against previously ignored hurts, grief, and discomfort, these charges could be felt and released. We could experience deep healing on many levels. If we don’t have the opportunity to go to an ashram in India or to move to a remote island, we can still make time for meditation and spiritual practice every day.
Clients I have worked with over the years have often come to therapy with anxiety and depression due to an underlying sense they had to constantly push themselves to achieve more. The belief they were worthless unless they were continually accomplishing, drove them to great lengths to prove their value. For some, the desire to accumulate bigger and better possessions in order to be happy fueled their constant drive to action. Many of them had never considered their intrinsic value as human beings beyond their ability to achieve. This disconnection from our inner being seems to be the norm these days. The fear of slowing down and coming face-to-face with ourselves can be a powerful motivator for incessant activity.
For Jake (not his real name), ‘winning’ at whatever he did—sports, his sales career, parenting—defined his self-worth. When he didn’t measure up to his impossibly high standards of achievement, he would fall into a depression. He was quite religious, but that hadn’t translated into accepting that he was worthy of love and happiness just as he was—without ‘doing’ anything. He hadn’t considered this possibility before. As he began to slow down and feel the emotions hidden behind his continual striving, he began to recognize that this constant drive to ‘succeed’ only distracted him from experiencing the happiness and contentment he was seeking in all his activity. When happiness is something we’re seeking, moving toward, how can we ever experience it here and now? It will always be just out of reach in some future time unless we slow down enough to be present.
Beyond the psychological benefits, slowing down and becoming present is crucial for growth in consciousness. There is a story about two birds in a tree from the Indian scriptures. One bird was busy hopping from one branch to another, eating the fruit—either sweet or bitter—experiencing pleasure and pain according to which fruit it ate. The other bird was silently watching the incessant activity from its perch on a branch high above. Of course, the message is we are both of those birds, and depending on which one we identify with, we are either caught in the endless cycle of grasping and resisting, or we recognize we are the silent witness.
Growth in consciousness means becoming increasingly present to what life brings. It means realizing we can operate from that silent witness, rather than from the continual motion of thought. As the witness, we are de-clutched from the pleasure/pain cycle—we see our life as happening automatically, independent of the witness. This results in an inner equanimity in the face of life’s inevitable ups and downs. We become the happiness we have been seeking. As Stuart Mooney, my spiritual mentor pointed out, “We are the energy from which both the witness and motion arise.”
Ultimately, whether we’re living on a beach in Hawaii or in the middle of New York City, internal silence is always available because, on the deepest level of our being, silence is who we are.
Consider This: Take time to become still and see that you are the silent witness of your thoughts and actions. Become the spacious, expanded awareness that you are.
